3 Generations Traveled West

We made it to Boise!  This is the final destination for the journey with my dad, and what a great destination. All of my father's siblings gathered here for a family wedding. He's the oldest of 10 (yes, they were Catholic) and it has been many years since ALL the living brothers and sisters have been together.

It is a joy to see Papa with his family. He lights up around his siblings and I see parts of him spark that rarely get to shine. He and his brothers have an identical sense of humor. Their witty puns and play on words often go over my head, but it is still so fun to be amidst them.  My dad and his sisters share a genuine interest in people, a gentleness and kindness toward one another and an exceptional ability to forgive. These siblings have been through a lot together and have an amazing way of looking out for one another.

Their mother was a wonderful, kind woman.  Their father was an alcoholic and an abusive, bitter man. But Papa never speaks ill about anyone and had the capacity to hold a complicated picture of his own father, finding good things to say, when all I could see was the pain and trauma his father caused.

But now that my grandfather has been gone for many years, and he's not able to cause new harm, I can see how his life experiences and untreated illness turned him into the monster I knew. Mental illness and addiction are battles many people I know and love fight. My grandfather showed me the danger of untreated illness, but my father helped my heart expand, so I can hold the multiple truths of the beauty and pain possible in these relationships.

Papa accepts what life brings and has a genuine interest in people, both of which were real gifts to me on our journey together.  Along the way, I always knew Papa would meet new people with grace and gratitude.

One of the biggest things Papa said he is taking away from our journey is an expanded understanding of people’s generosity. He was surprised at how generous people were with their time. We were welcomed into many homes, connected with many different people, and invited to join many family meals. It is truly amazing to be welcomed in by people in such a wholehearted way.  We both felt it and are so grateful. This is especially true in Cheyenne, WY and Wabasha, MN where all three generations of us were fully embraced by people none of us had ever met before.

From age 3 to 72, we traveled together from New Hampshire to Idaho, connecting with people along the way in Massachusetts, New York, Michigan, Illinois, Wyoming, Minnesota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Wyoming, Utah, and now Idaho.  We created shared memories and just enjoyed being with one another.

I am sad to see this chapter of the journey come to an end, but know adventure lies ahead for us all. My dad will get in a car with three of his brothers and drive together to CA. That trip is guaranteed to be a sitcom in the making. Greg met us here and the four of us will spend a few days camping in Eastern Oregon together before we’re joined by good friends and take the children through their first multi-day river trip, traveling through secluded wilderness.  Then on Friday we’ll return to our car and start heading East.

​Badlands & Pine Ridge

What a full day!  We woke at a KOA, loaded the car and headed into the Badlands. My morning reminded me of my mom’s reports of her family trips growing up - mostly forced fun and actual misery. I was feeling the elements of this trip that resemble mofo family camping, including my grumpy dimenor. I was tired and overwhelmed with the amount of work it is to have my family on the road.

But once we stopped in the Badlands and I was chasing kids up muddy bluffs, I let all that go and enjoyed being in this beautiful place with my father and adventurous children. We scrambled up and down bluffs, sliding and smearing ourselves in mud. I thought the kids were muddy then, but it was only a teaser for what was lying ahead.

The night before had also involved lots of rain and playing in muddy puddles.  Luckily we were able to get showers and as we lay in the tent that night, my daughter and I had one of my favorite connections from the day.  We read “Stolen Words” a kids book about how white people took away native language and culture. In reflecting on the book she said, it’s different from me learning Spanish, because I don't lose anything I just get more. She really wanted to know why our ancestors would do this. We planned to spend the following night camping on the Pine Ridge Reservation. She wanted to know if it will be like it used to be on the reservation. I tried to explain our government and white people’s long history of stealing land and stripping culture. I tried to give her some of the history to prep her for the poverty I expect.

We continued this exploration as we left the main park and headed to the Badlands Whiteplanes Visitor Center, where we began learning about the Lakota peoples. We continued to read about Indian Schools, where children were separated from their families and culture - their hair cut, traditional clothing removed and native language denied. One quote talked about being stripped of their unique individual identity and turned into little animals with a white hurdsman. It is chilling to read about and teach my daughter about our ancestors systematic efforts to strip the Lakota people of their basic identity, in the name of saving and educating them.

From there we stopped at the massacre site of Wounded Knee, where I was reminded of the US government's long history of killing non-white men, women and children. The image of migrant children locked in cages today flashed before my eyes. While our current policies create new traumas to more communities, our history of inhumane treatment and use of violence against the Lakota people continues to have crippling effects on this community today.

This intergenerational trauma and denial of resources was visible as we drove through the reservation. The sites were reminiscent of poor, rural communities I had visited in Guatemala many years ago.

We were headed to meet and visit with Ramona, Percy, and others of the Horse Spirit Society, who are working to heal their community and their people from this historical trauma. They teach their youth the native language and spiritual practices.  In this community, horses are spiritual healers and a path for connection to their language and culture. They want the young people to know who they are and live long enough to be elders.

We drove down a long, incredibly muddy dirt road before arriving at Percy’s house. Ramona and her 5 year old granddaughter came to greet us and were generous and welcoming.  As we walked up the muddy yard Ramona explained that family is gathered today from all over the country in preparation for an annual horse ride and spiritual ritual tomorrow morning. It was a lively and loving atmosphere with kids playing with their cousins and taking turns helping one another on and off horses.  Women and men were also gathered about chatting and it felt like we had entered a joyous family reunion.  My children got to ride a horse and then tromped about in the mud while my dad and I talked to Ramona and a few other family members.

Our stay was short and departure abrupt. My kids both slipped in the mud and got covered head to toe.  At that same moment we heard the thunder in the distance get louder. We had planned to camp there, but the fields were mud pits, more rain was coming and it was clearly time to go. We headed to the car, bid Ramona farewell, stripped the kids and tried to drive away. We were already stuck. Luckily two young men helped me rock the rock and we were on the move. While Annabelle and Ryan sat in their carseats wearing few clothes and lots of mud, my dad sped off trying to keep the car in the deep mud grooves, and the rain pounded the windshield. Adrenaline ran through me and only began to fade when we were watching lighting fill the sky from the paved road. I was keenly aware of and grateful for our financial resources as we retreated to a safe and dry hotel room for the night.

You can learn more about and friend the Horse Spirit Society on Facebook here https://www.facebook.com/percywhiteplume605/ Donations of any size are welcome and are needed to keep this important work of healing alive. You can contribute through paypal if you contact Ramona on Facebook.